Personal Checklist

Well the past few days I must admit have been rather difficult… I have been faced with making those difficult life decisions that I wish someone else could make for me. I must also admit I am very lucky to be surrounded by people who provide me with sound and inspiring advice, but as we all know the ultimate decisions comes from within.

Recently it was brought to my attention by someone extremely close to me that perhaps I have gone “too far” with my efforts on behalf of Darfur… Can you believe that someone could stare me in the face and say this to me? “You’ve gone too far.” Just those words alone disturb my psyche as well as my ego… Yes, ego… I am constantly fighting against it, but we are all human.

I was furious; so furious that I made myself physically ill. But the person whom had declared this to me is a person I admire and respect more than anything in the world. My rock, my north, my friend… Why would this person say this to me? How could it be possible to go too far when you believe you are saving lives? How? Does the world need another pretty dress at this moment? I am still an amazing designer – right? Who will guard the frontline whilst I am off worrying about the bottom line? Who?

Finally I was forced to revert to a method which has always worked for me during difficult times - “my personal checklist”. I was sure this tried and true self diagnostic would confirm my dear friend must have been out of his mind by saying this to me. “Gone too far…” How dare he!!!

After perhaps the third item on my mental checklist (i.e. happiness, health, relationships, financial stability, etc.), I realized that just maybe there was a problem beginning to reveal itself. Too avoid any personal embarrassment I won’t even begin to go into some of the line items on my personal checklist that revealed that my dear and intuitive friend may have made a valid point.

How could I have let things go so far? At what point did I take this new vow of poverty? Had I become a martyr for the cause? Is it too late to strike a balance? How do move forward?

Just this morning, I looked my dear friend in the eyes and begged his forgiveness. As I stood in the mirror and looked into the forgiving eyes of my dear friend Mal Sirrah I knew that we were back on track…

I beg of you all to say a little holiday prayer for the both of us - - - and the people of Darfur.